I Want A Big Ol’ Porcupine For Christmas

(To the tune “I Want A Hippopotamus For Christmas”)

I want a big ol' porcupine for Christmas
Only a porcupine will doI don’t want a pig, no dinky chicken leg
I want the meat of porcupine to savor and enjoy.

I want a big ‘ol’ porcupine for Christmas
I don’t think Gilbert’s sons will mind, do you?
What was that I heard in the woods? I think it was a hunter
Maybe it was the shot that will bring my porcupine

I can see me now on Christmas morning sitting in my chair
And oh what do you think after I’ve carved off a thigh
I use a porcupine quill for my toothpick

I want a big ol’ porcupine for Christmas
Only a porcupine will do
No beef burger patties or pepperoni pizza
I only like big ol’ porcupines
And porcupines I think will like me too

My mom says that porcupines shoot poison from their quills,
But I don’t believe that they’ll make me very ill

I can see me now on Christmas morning sitting in my chair
And oh what do you think after I’ve carved off a thigh
I use a porcupine quill for my toothpick

I want a big ol’ porcupine for Christmas
Only a porcupine will do
No beef burger patties or pepperoni pizza
I only like big ol’ porcupines
And porcupines I think will like me too